Ohhh...THAT Wayne

Yes, I realize that having someone describe their dream to you is like being made to look through a stranger's vacation pictures...but, humor me.

In Dreamland last night, I find myself on the street where I grew up. It's dark and still and almost dawn. I'm walking across and up the street when a girl, an amalgamation of every neighborhood girl I ever knew, appears beside me. "Are you going to see Wayne?" she asks. Going to see Wayne??? Sure! That must be what I'm doing. "Yeah, I'm going to see Wayne." I reply. Wayne? Who's Wayne? Could it be Wayne, the big brother of my 5th grade "boyfriend" who lived next door to me circa 1984-1987??? Nah, couldn't be...I wouldn't be crossing the street and I'm heading in the wrong direction for it to be THAT Wayne. My slumbering brain peruses it's various nooks and crannies for Waynes...Wayne...hmmm...do I know any more Waynes? Maybe it's that doctor who's first name is Wayne, I saw his name on a piece of paper today, remember? Couldn't be...I've never met him. No way would I be visiting him in the middle of the night...besides...he's in Fayetteville and I'm in Pine Bluff for this dream, duh. Okay, but better figure it out quick 'cause he's opening the door...Wayne? Wayne? He's youngish, fair complected...I know! ROONEY! That's who it is! It's Wayne Rooney, striker for Manchester United and England's National Team! Why, of course...my dreaming mind decides...the most likely conclusion is that Wayne Rooney is living in the Wilouby's old house and I'm just gonna pop in for a little visit at 4:30 in the morning.

Yep, indeed...that's what I went with.

So, after Wayne opens the door and he is in fact sorta Rooney-ish, Amalgam Girl says whatever she has come to say and leaves. The rest of the dream is a series of vivid images of me and Wayne hanging out for the rest of the morning. From these images I learned a lot about the Rooney of my subconscious. For instance, Wayne leaves his Man U kit crumpled in the dirty laundry basket. (Seeing this was what finally convinced me that this dream person really was who I thought he was...I could see his name on the back! Right on!) Wayne can poke a hole in a water bed mattress with his index finger. (Did you know Wayne sleeps on a water bed? He does in my world. And, that's how he convinced me it really was a water bed. My dream self was incredulous.) Wayne can make a fancy outdoor fire pit out of an old wheelbarrow. (I was angry and chastised him because NOW my Daddy was going to have to do a whole bunch of yard work without his wheelbarrow! Way to go, Wayne. He didn't even ask first!)

My cellphone had just become infected with some sort of cellphone virus and Wayne was going to go with me to get it fixed when my alarm went off. I guess we will never know what adventures awaited me and Wayne at the Cingular store.

I know you are as disappointed as I am.